


Chicken Strangler

by Zulejee



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:35:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27196570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zulejee/pseuds/Zulejee
Summary: Zim strangles a chicken and ruins Dib's nuts.Or, in other words, Dib and Gaz attempt to visit their aunt in Mexico and Zim tags along.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18





	Chicken Strangler

“Get your piss nuts out of my face, Dib-stink!” Zim smacked the outstretched bag of boiled peanuts from Dib’s hand, sending the contents flying up into the air and careening back down to the earth below. They hit the sandy surface with sad little plops. 

“Geez Zim, was that really necessary? I paid three bucks for those nuts!” Dib said, leveling Zim with an exasperated look before kneeling down to collect his fallen nuts. 

“Then it’s three Earth monies you wasted!” was Zim’s response, crossing his arms and glaring down at the young man.

“Your friend’s quite the wild one, eh?” spoke the peanut vendor, his face propped up in his hand and a huge smile on his face. 

Dib sighed, “You have no idea…” 

“Silence your mouth, filthy nut man!” Zim unfolded his arms to point an accusatory finger at Dib, “The only reason we’re here is because of  _ you.” _

Dib jumped to his feet, “Me?!” he said. “You're the one who strangled that chicken!” 

“Would you two shut up for five seconds?!” Gaz whipped around from her position at the phonebooth. The two quit their squabbling for a moment under her rage, but Gaz quickly had to turn her attention back to the person on the other side of the line. 

She sighed, “Yes, dad, I’m still here. You’re gonna need to send someone for us. Zim got us kicked off the bus.”

“We would still be on that disgusting machine if you hadn’t stuck me next to that wretched woman and her bird of filth! Did you want me to let that horrible creature peck out my superior eyes?”

“Honestly?” Gaz looked back over her shoulder, “That would have been nice.”

“Oh, you horrible little-” 

Dib let out a tired sigh and set his bag of boiled peanuts down. He walked over to the phonebooth and gently took the phone from his sister’s hand as she stalked over to Zim. Dib turned around and tried his best to tune out their yelling. 

“Dad? It’s Dib, Gaz had to go… talk with Zim,” he briefly glanced over his shoulder when he heard Zim cry out. He was greeted to the sight of his sister pinning the ex-invader to the ground and trying to force the entire bag of boiled nuts down his throat. 

“Oh, hello son! What exactly happened? All your sister managed to tell me was that it involved a chicken,” Professor Membrane said, continuing with, “I told you that the three of you should have used one of my new sand powered, automated hovercrafts! Did I tell you that it can run on only one-thousand granules of sand and-”

Dib suppressed another sigh and resisted the urge to smack his head against the rusted phone booth. 

Their journey had been going miraculously well, right up until they had to get on the second bus that would have taken them all the way to their aunt’s little town. They had made it through airport security, survived the excruciatingly long flight, managed the bus from the airport into the city, but in the end all their efforts and patience went up in smoke because of one measly chicken. 

The bus had been incredibly crowded, and there had only been three available seats: one completely empty seat enough for two, and a spot next to a lady and the chicken she held in her lap. Gaz had immediately taken the window seat of the empty two seater, which left Dib and Zim to decide their seating arrangements. 

“You know, I should really sit next to my sister-” 

“Do not try me with your pathetic tripe, Dib-worm. You don’t want to sit next to that thing either.”

“It’s a chicken, Zim.”

“I know what a chicken is! It’s disgusting and I hate it and it’s staring at me,” Zim peered over and locked eyes with the beady little stare of the farm fowl, its owner fixing him with her own confused look. Zim shuddered, but when he looked back over at Dib the little alien let out a small cry of disdain as he watched Dib plop down next to his sister, a smug look on the boy’s face.

Zim clenched his fists, ready to throw Dib out of the seat he’d just stolen from him, when the bus lurched into motion and sent Zim to the aisle floor. The alien let out a noise of disgust and quickly grabbed a bus seat to pull himself off the filthy floor. He glared one more time at Dib before resigning himself to the seat with the chicken lady. 

Crossing his arms and legs, he sat as far away as he possibly could, practically hanging off into the aisle. He could feel both the woman’s and the chicken’s eyes on him, but he made a point of not looking at them. Eventually he felt their gazes shift, and he relaxed slightly. Sometimes the chicken would make weird little chicken noises, and he’d feel its beady little eyes on him once more, so Zim couldn’t help but glance at it to make sure the foul beast wasn’t gearing up for some sort of attack. But it just sat there, moving its head in jerky little motions that made Zim cringe. 

During one of these little check-ups, the chicken lady managed to catch his eye, speaking to him before he had the chance to look away again. 

_ “¿A dónde va, señor?” _ she said.

Zim blinked, confused for a moment, before remembering where on Earth he was.

_ “Where are you going, mister?” _ she had asked.

_ “Visiting family,” _ he answered smoothly, before adding,  _ “Not my family, theirs,”  _ he jerked a thumb towards Dib and Gaz, who were positioned across the aisle and two seats behind them. 

_ “Friends of yours, then?” _ she motioned towards them as well. 

_ “If you must call them that,” _ Zim sighed. His answer must have been amusing, because she let out a light hearted giggle. It caused her chicken to cluck loudly and flap its wings. Zim all but through himself from the bus seat. 

_ “It’s okay,” _ the woman smiled,  _ “You made her laugh too. She likes you.”  _

Zim highly doubted that. He looked past her and out the window, seeing that they were still in the city. When he checked his internal clock he realized only an hour had passed. Desperate to pass the time, he slumped back in his seat and turned his attention back to the woman and her nerve rattling bird. 

_ “What’s your name, human?”  _ he asked. 

The human introduced herself as Sofia, and to Zim’s surprise she wasn’t completely awful. She would have been a lot better if she hadn’t had that stupid bird in her lap though, which she called Alma. Still, Zim managed to pass a good chunk of the trip just chatting with her.

But Alma the Chicken was growing increasingly restless as the trip wore on, causing Zim to be even more agitated with the feathered thing. Sofia kept assuring him that everything was okay. She would gently stroke the bird’s back, which would calm her down for a time, but Alma would inevitably get riled up again. 

From Dib and Gaz’s position, it seemed like everything was going fine.

“I can’t believe this, but I think Zim actually made a friend,” Dib said. Even on a crowded bus Zim could make his voice known, and the two siblings had noticed that the alien had started chatting with his bus mate when he’d told her something about Gir and a dancing crab. 

“An actual miracle,” Gaz said, not looking up from her game, “but you know what would be even more amazing? If we made it to our aunt’s house without a hitch.”

“We’ve been good so far,” Dib glanced down at his open laptop, checking the time, “We’re almost halfway there, and then it’s just a short walk to her house. I can’t believe it myself, but I think we’re actually gonna make-”

Suddenly the bus was filled with the sounds of a shrieking woman.

_ “No Alma! No!” _ it was Zim’s bus mate, staring down in horror as her beloved chicken pecked mercilessly at Zim’s head. Said alien had fallen from his seat and was flailing around on the floor, but he quickly gained the upper hand and pinned the chicken down. 

“I knew it!” he snarled in Alma’s face, “I knew you were plotting something! Well, now it’s Zim’s turn,” he tightened his hands around the chicken’s neck, and the creature began to squawk and flap its wings in a desperate attempt to escape the alien’s death grip.

The bus came to an abrupt stop, Zim taking Alma with him before his head smacked against the floor and he lost his hold on her neck. Alma flapped back to her owner and Sofia caught the bird in her open arms. Zim sat up and held his head in his hands. Once the world stopped spinning he got to his feet and glowered up at the woman and her feathered companion. 

_ “Give me the chicken,”  _ he said. 

Sofia held Alma closer, turning her body in an attempt to shield the bird,  _ “I’m so sorry, but she is very important. I can’t-”  _

Zim growled, jumping up onto the bus seat and causing Sofia to jerk backwards into the window.

“Zim, don’t-” Dib got up as Gaz smacked her head against the headrest. Zim snapped his attention over to Dib. 

“Look at what that horrible creature has done to me! Me!” he screamed, motioning to his punctured and clawed face. “Zim will have his revenge,” he turned back to Sofia and made to grab for Alma when the bus driver appeared.

“Hey! No chicken killing on my bus! You know how hard blood is to clean?” the driver said once he’d reached the scene. 

Zim rounded on him, “Blood would not be the worst thing to stain this bus!” 

The man glared down at Zim, “You callin’ my bus dirty,  _ hombrecito?” _

“That’s exactly what I’m saying to you, you disgusting bus slave!”

Dib grabbed onto Zim’s arms and pulled him back to the floor. “We’re really sorry,” he started, “Forget everything he just said. Zim, you can have my seat.” 

“Oh no you don’t!” Zim ripped free of Dib’s grasp, “You had your chance to take the chicken seat! I’m not sitting anywhere until that vile bird is running around headless!” 

“You touch that chicken and you're outta here,” said the driver. 

“But it attacked me!” Zim cried.

The man crossed his arms as he responded, “How do I know you didn’t provoke it? You seem like the kinda guy to get under people’s skin.”

“How dare you!” he turned to Sofia,  _ “Tell him what happened! Your chicken jumped me!” _

_ “Señor Zim, I’m so sorry, but I can’t...” _ she trailed off. 

_ “Tell him,” _ Zim said, _ “or you’ll be suffering along with your precious bird.” _

That had been the last straw. The bus driver threw the trio from his bus along with their belongings.

“You can’t just leave us here!” Dib cried.

“Yeah I can,” said the man. “Next bus’ll be here in…” he made a show of counting on his fingers, “Ten hours.” He turned his attention to Zim before shutting the bus doors, “Try not to piss off anymore chickens,  _ hombrecito.”  _

They had been abandoned on a dusty dirt road that held only a mini mart and the peanut vendor stationed outside of it. Said peanut vendor was currently the only thing standing between Zim and a very irate Gaz.

“Peanut man! Assist me!” Zim said, moving around to the man’s side as Gaz tried to grab him. 

The peanut vendor laughed, “And ruin this quality entertainment? Nah,  _ little man,  _ you’re on your own.”

Dib heard Zim yelp as he was once again tackled to the ground. Dib sighed, finally relenting and hitting his head against the phonebooth in defeat. 

**Author's Note:**

> I absolutely love boiled peanuts. I tried them for the first time while visiting family down south with my grandma. After trying them, my next logical course of action was to somehow find a way to incorporate Invader Zim into this new found love. The idea of Zim referring to boiled peanuts as "piss nuts" popped into my head, and the rest evolved into this fic.  
> I hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading.


End file.
